What I Learned from “Looks women wish guys would wear”

I can’t help but read these articles sometimes.  I tell myself they are going to teach me something to help my life in some way.  They look like something that would help you, but they are just dumb filler and a waste of time.  You might be thinking this post is matching those same qualities…but you didn’t come here to learn, you come to this post to read my jokes about an absurd article on Yahoo! (even if you didn’t know it).  It was somebody at Cosmo who wrote this.  I am going to go ahead and assume it’s a woman, hence my use of “her” or “she” a few times below.  And these are her ideas for “Looks women wish guys would wear.”

  1. Navy Blazer and Low Cut White T-ShirtNavy Blazer – Sounds good.  I have a black blazer and a khaki blazer, which my wife loves on me.  Part of the explanation says you can “wear this with everything from jeans to, well, those office-shirt-and-tie combos,” but I would not wear it with jeans – that’s blue on top and blue on the bottom.  Reminds me of the Canadian Tuxedo…no thanks.  This little idea had me thinking these tips could actually help with something, then I looked at the shirt on the model in the picture for the article (navy slacks, grey shoes, brown belt, navy blazer, and a low neck white t-shirt? Click the picture to see for yourself).
  2. Style your hair – obvious, but okay.  I am going to object to the product she suggests a guy use to get that nice look.  Here are my products – water, comb, time.  Get your hair wet and style it with the comb, let it dry for some time, done.  Anything more is unnecessary.  If it won’t stay with just water, it isn’t meant to be like that or your hair is too long.
  3. A vintage watch – no thanks.  The author clearly says this is for a “swanky dinner party or wedding,” and I still say no thanks.  I have watches, but don’t wear them.  Here’s why: A) I have a watch in my phone to tell me what time it is.  I did wear a watch before I had a cell phone, and then ditched the watch when it wasn’t useful any more.  B) I have hair on my arms.  Little hairs.  The kind that get caught in metal watch bands.  I know you can get leather or plasticPac-Man Watch bands for a watch, but it loses some of the charm, besides…  C) It’s not who I am – I don’t wear a watch during any other occasions and I feel weird wearing one.  The watch to me is like a fancy car – more of a status symbol than a practical thing.  The watch to the right here is my style of watch, but I don’t feel this would be “swanky dinner party or wedding” appropriate, and it certainly is not vintage.
  4. Mix colors and patterns – what?  I have no idea what she’s talking about.  I don’t really care either.  If I had to take a lesson from this, it would be that lumberjack shirts are okay with a patterned tie and golf pants.  Actually, that sounds like some “hip” look now that I think about it1.  Lesson unlearned, moving on.
  5. Dress shoes – there you go, there’s nothing left.  After hair, jackets, the rest of your clothes, and watches, the only thing left to address is shoes.  Do women like how men look in nice shoes more than a pair of sneakers – of course.  Wearing something appropriate is what should be the modus operandi, so this kind of shoes should be considered unless you plan to be in a place where sneakers, sandals, or another foot covering is more appropriate.  My problem is her suggested shoes cost $150 and that’s way too much.  I personally will not spend over $50 for a pair of shoes.  Lesson – save your $150, girls.  A nice, passive-aggressive “are those the shoes you’re wearing tonight?” will do the trick and he’ll spend ¼ the amount you would for a more comfortable and equally nice looking pair of shoes.  If he really cares, he’ll ask what you think of them before purchasing them.

Footnotes

I looked into this and, thankfully, it is not a trend.  However, it appears to be acceptable to wear a bow tie with a flannel shirt.

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